Creating a Healthy Relationship with Self - A 3-Step Process
I’m a process freak! For those of you who know me, I know, you’re not surprised. But what does process have to do with creating a healthy relationship with Self? Well, if you’re me, or a process freak like me, it's EVERYTHING!
My process to Self started as I began to prepare for the Spiritual Deepening Program I attended at the Christine Center. The 3-year Program consisted of a weekend retreat, every quarter, over the course of three years. During each weekend we were introduced to a different pathway to explore and connect with Spirit. Some of these methods included meditation, silence, deep breathing, listening, and sharing our experience with our cohorts. As I participated in the Program, I found it surprising that the deeper I became acquainted with Spirit, the more comfortable I became with myself. Consequently, as I began to feel more comfortable with myself, I learned how to create a relationship with Self.
Because I am a process person, creating a relationship with myself looks and feels like a process. My process happens to be a three step process that is not linear, it’s a circular, continuous process much like the grief process where we can bounce from one phase to another in no particular order. And it is on-going. After all, do we ever really stop grieving the loss of a loved one; do we ever really stop engaging in a relationship with ourselves? I would say no. Our grief only changes over time, just as our relationship with ourselves changes over time. Life is dynamic and as such, so is the process of creating a healthy relationship with Self.
The three steps in this dynamic process include, listening, accepting and action.
Listen - This step requires the courage to hear all the different thoughts, emotions and perspectives we happen to be experiencing regarding any particular situation. For me, I often need to utilize different techniques to be present and capable of hearing those thoughts, feelings and perspectives. Sometimes it’s silence and sometimes it’s sharing. Often I don’t know which technique will be most helpful and so if I am really struggling with a particular situation, I will try several different methods until I feel satisfied with my ability to hear.
Accept - This critical step requires the skill to not judge, criticize or belittle ourselves for the thoughts and emotions that are flowing through us or how we’ve behaved based on our thoughts, feelings and perspectives. Sometimes acceptance can look and feel like forgiveness, it is similar, but it’s closer to allowing. We allow ourselves to acknowledge, without judgement, that we are responding in a particular way or are having certain thoughts and emotions - regardless of how it may feel or what it may look like.
Act - This challenging step is deciding, based in discernment, and taking action. After listening and accepting, we come to terms with a situation we are facing. As this unfolds we can outline what choices are available to us and decide what action(s) we can take. Sometimes the actions we decide to take are big and sometimes they are small. Sometimes inaction is the action. For me, when discerning what action to take I use my values as a litmus test. I wonder if the action I am considering is aligned with my values, I wonder how I might feel about myself if I do or do not proceed with the action. Based on this discernment, I decide, and I move forward with the action.
And then, I begin the process again! And again, and again, and again as I aspire to learn, grow and evolve throughout my lifetime.
What is your process to create a healthy relationship with self? What are some of your challenges and triumphs?
Love,
Sara