An Outlet to the Truth Without Being Judged

The student sat in the chair next to my desk. His essay papers were spread in front of us. He looked from the papers to me, puzzled.

“What do you mean, what do I mean?”  he asked. “I was 6 when this happened.  When I was writing this essay, I didn’t think past what a 6-year-old would think.  And I don’t know what more to write beyond what I had already written. My dad was a victim in a slight altercation that I thought was going to turn into a big fight but turned out to be nothing. I was scared at the moment but that passed when my dad was unharmed.  That is really all there is to it.’

I took a moment before I answered.  This was the part of teaching that I really enjoyed; explaining, asking a series of questions and then watching the students make connections to deeper meaning.

First, I clarified the purpose of the assignment.  “When you write a personal narrative essay, you share a significant event about your life with the reader.  However, it is equally important to add context to the event. What you have written so far is what happened through the eyes of a 6-year-old.  The sweet spot in a well written personal narrative is the understanding gained looking back on the experience.”

Cleary frustrated, he persisted with his reasoning, “I don’t get it. If the assignment is to write about an event that happened to me in the past, what is the purpose of talking about now.  It didn’t happen now, it happened then.”

I rephrased my comment.  “You are 17 years old with 17 years of life experience. That is a lot of personal experience from which to choose.  Yet the event that happened when you were six was memorable enough that you have a clear memory of it. And it rose to the top over all those other experiences about which you could have written.”

I explained further. “That event shaped you. Maybe at this point you can’t pinpoint how.  Clarity will come the more you reflect and the more you write. The purpose of writing a personal narrative is to create a framework to examine how it is that you became the you that you are today. What forces were at play that helped mold you? What messages, often unspoken, did you receive from your family and friends about what happened?  What was their body language when the topic was discussed? If it even was discussed. How did societal messaging about the event impact your behavior from that point forward?”

I could see him revisit the memory through the lens of my questions.

“I think,” he said slowly, “that was the first time I saw an adult break the same rules I was taught to follow. With no provocation, that stranger approached my dad and shoved him. Hard.”

My student picked up his pencil and jotted a note on a corner of the paper. “Wow. I never recognized until now that guy broke a given and agreed upon rule of societal convention and there was no consequence to him.”  He sounded a bit surprised at the depth of his reflection.

As he got up from his chair to head back to his desk to revise his essay, he gave a half-smile.  “And maybe, just maybe, looking back at the event now, I realize there was a reason for all those unwritten social rules my parents expected me to follow. It wasn’t just about me and other people following rules. It was about feeling safe in a world we share with strangers.”

I was always amazed as I observed the power of writing and the subsequent reflection of the writing.  It never got old. The more my students refined their papers, the more confident they became in who they were.  I saw firsthand my students explore what they thought and felt. It was beautiful to watch as the writing expanded their self-understanding.  

When I discovered this quote from an article entitled Counseling and Spirituality: The Use of emptiness and the Importance of timing I realized it was a perfect testament to my student’s writing experience: “Journaling finds the meaning in meaninglessness and negates emptiness through creating writings from the heart . . . it is an outlet to the truth without being judged.”

How have you introduced journaling to children in your life and how have you and them benefited the most?

Love,

Andrea