It Takes a Village
“This is Mama-Chi and this is Mama Inca,” I was told by my host cousin, who then proceeded to point at the women walking down the path, “that’s Mama Julia coming.” I felt very confused. I had made my way through so many “Mama’s” in the journey of getting to Pollap, my beautiful island. And here I was… on this small island under a square mile in size with no running water or electricity. Who was my go-to person, I wondered? Who did I talk to when I was feeling scared or sad or lonely? Who was I supposed to turn to in my darkest hours?
It turns out the answer was…all of them. I was in The Federated States of Micronesia, the state of Chuuk, the outer island of Pollap. And this culture truly practiced the concept of “it takes a village.” A woman who gives birth on Pollap is Mama, but all her sisters, her mother, and her husband’s sisters are also Mama. And they all take care of the child like … well, like a mother.
Years later I found myself reflecting on this experience as I juxtaposed it to the culture here in the United States. I became a psycho-therapist in a children’s agency where often the children have multiple care-givers. There are biological parents, step-parents, other relatives, foster parents, group home managers, group home staff, guardians and the list goes on. What I often wondered and felt sad about, was the disconnect amongst all of the various caregivers/villagers. Parents were often angry with foster parents or vice versa, step-parents and biological parents at odds with one another, grandparents disgruntled with foster or biological parents or the other way around and everyone displeased with group home staff. The fortunate times I have an opportunity to serve a child in this chaos one of the first things I exclaim is “wow! You have so many grown ups who really care about you and want you with them!” Too often the response is one of surprise…almost as if the act of NOT “choosing a side” was a shock to them.
This mother’s day has been a really reflective and loving experience for me. We asked others to send in their pictures representing mothers. The presentation was certainly a village. It was such an amazing thing to share in our tribe’s images of what represented “mom” to them. It prompted us to think of the many different ways “mom” is present in our lives. We thought about our own mothers, the mothers of our dearest friends, the women in our lives who have been like mothers, our grandmothers, our role as a mother either to children or to pets.
This Mother’s Day I want to honor 2 of the “go-to” women in my “village.” With all the gratitude in the world I honor my mother. She has been my biggest fan my entire life and without her I would not be where I am today. She has been ever supportive and encouraging and while she hasn’t always approved of all my choices she has ALWAYS afforded me the space to make my own decisions and then been there to help me pick up the pieces when I have made my mistakes. I have learned so much in this life by the example she lives. As you can see in the picture… she rocks as a Warrior Princess!
I also want to honor my step-mother. As many know, or have read in previous blogs, I am an adult child of divorced parents. I was one of those kiddos with many grown ups clamoring for the final say in my well-being. I feel very fortunate to have not just one mother looking out for me, but 2. Again, I have learned much from my step-mother by way of her example in living. She loves hard and loyally, works hard and loyally, and does the same when it is time for play! As you can see in her picture, she is also a Warrior Princess!
I am forever grateful for the love and support I have received from my mothers. Let’s all honor the women who serve in a role as “mother” this Mother’s Day. Love to you all!
What are your experiences with Mother’s Day? Happy, sad, nonexistent, they are all relevant, I hope you’ll share yours.
Love,
Melissa
